I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
