and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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