What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I can text with my tongue
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
