So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
