sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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