exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
