one two three fourrrrnication!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
