but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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