Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
