if you like me you must not know who I am
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
