so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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