dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
