They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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