why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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