also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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