where am i from again
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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