If that was your dad, he is hot
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
