I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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