She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
