Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
