Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
