Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
