I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
