Princesses don't give blow jobs
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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