im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
