Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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