What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
