I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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