ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
