He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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