Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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