so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
