i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And then my night got REAL pukey
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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