me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
