My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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