you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
