Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
