I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
