I wanna bring you to show and tell
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Success! We fucked roommates!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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