I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
