You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
