Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
