So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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