my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
