i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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