I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
