break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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