apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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