I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
