I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
