You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
