OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
