I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have demons in me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
