You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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