I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
