Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
