it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
