and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
