So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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