Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
