I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
