Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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