We're facebook friends in real life
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
