Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Four minutes until I can fart!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
