My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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