thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize