So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
operation harelip BJ is a go
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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